Trust, Disappointment, Love.

I always feel like I should apologize when I haven’t been able to write here for a while.  So first things first.  So sorry I haven’t been able to update.  Life.  I don’t know what else to say about that. 😉

Ruby is now 7 ½ months old, which blows my mind.  My Logan is 4 ½ YEARS old tomorrow!  Time has never moved faster.

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Adoption.  Oh adoption.  Things have been a whirlwind as of late.  I can’t go into much detail here because it’s quite private.  I will say this:  Trust in a relationship is probably the strength of it at its core.  Once that trust is broken, it’s so incredibly hard to get it back again.  You go through the motions.  You keep your word.   You wish things were different.  But alas, you can’t force someone to see themselves the way that you see them, no matter how hard you try.

I wish so many of my friends and family could see themselves through my eyes.  I suppose we are often harder on ourselves than the world is on us.  For many of us, it’s just our nature.  I’m as guilty of that as anyone.  It’s taken me a long time to see my worth.  And if I’m going to be completely honest, I still struggle sometimes.

There is disappointment in my heart right now.  Disappointment in lifestyle choices, disappointment in character, disappointment with myself, quite frankly.  I’m trying the best I can to just keep loving everyone as best I can.  Sometimes, I guess that’s all you can do.  For some, loving at “a distance” is difficult.  For me, it’s especially so.

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I’m learning.  Looking back at my life, there have been only a few times that I’ve been forced to do love at a distance.  In all of those instances, it was necessary to do so in order to protect others I love.  This is no different.  It’s still super hard for me, especially considering that it is in regard to my child’s adoption.

Please continue to pray for this situation, if you will.  Pray that hearts can be opened.  Pray that our Lee Lee stays safe.  Pray that she can see her worth.  Pray that she keeps in the forefront of her mind that she needs to be a good role model for our sweet Rue.

Thanks everyone for your love all of the time.  I love you all

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