Puddles in the Rain

I suppose that we all hit slumps every now and then.  Sometimes life just gets too hectic and we lose track of ourselves.  We lose focus of what is truly important in the whirlwind and pulling ourselves out of that funk seems an impossible feat.

We may feel the walls coming down around us.  We may feel ourselves just going through the motions.  I think it’s different for everyone, or it hits us both ways at different times in our lives.

I know I’ve felt that way often.

My life is the best it has ever been.  My early twenties were filled with pain and chaos. My late twenties consisted of me picking myself up and finding out who I was without anyone else.  It was just me and God, and the hard, cold truth.

Oh, but the thirties.  After my go ‘round with the twenties, it felt as though the thirties was all about me trying to catch up to where I would have been had I not let this world take control of me.  Most of this decade consisted of my husband and I trying to build our family when all of the odds were stacked against us.

We did make it through.  We had a long, hard journey with adoption (as anyone who has followed our story is aware) and it, well…it wasn’t pretty.  There was a lot of pain, so many tears, and so many struggles to get to where we are now.

But we MADE it.

Our relationship has surpassed what so many doubted.  We just get stronger every day.  All of those struggles just made us closer.  We learned each others’ strengths and weaknesses and we learned to work together as a fabulous team.

We are each other’s best friends.  We are each other’s allies.  We are a rock solid parenting team and I am so proud to say how well we have worked together in regard to our kiddos!

Because we DO work together so well, we tend to fall into routine very easily.  That isn’t a bad thing.  Our kids both have very structured lives.  Everyone knows what to expect Monday through Friday.  On the weekends we throw in adventure to keep things interesting!

This very thing that I love so much about us is also what has had me in this latest slump.  I had started to feel like I was just “existing”.  Not only that, but I felt as though I was existing for everyone else to boot.  I started to lose me again.

I took a step back.  I had worked SO hard to make it here without losing focus of ME.  Yet, here I was.  The helper to everyone else and losing myself.

AND THEN.

This little reminder popped up in my Timehop app today that put everything right back into perspective for me.  It was this beautiful reminder from a year ago from the mouth of my sweet (then) three year old son, Logan.

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Logan is the most amazing kid.  His view of this world never ceases to amaze me.  Here I sat, completely humbled by a little boy who was able to see the beauty in all things.

You never know when God is going to send you your answer.  You never know where it is going to be shown to you.  You never know how much you need Him until you realize that He is right before you, holding you up, always.

As I type these letters on my screen, my perspective has changed.  I am scrolling through my every day in my mind and realizing that I just haven’t been noticing.  Weeks have gone by and I’ve just been walking the walk.

I’ve noticed cute things my kids did, things Logan has said, sweet comments from my husband, but I haven’t noticed how those things made ME feel about ME.  That’s what I was missing.  I was missing the attention to how my life makes me FEEL.

My life is amazing.  I am moving forward without dependence on any other person to label me.  I am loved beyond measure by so many and I am worthy!

Friends, don’t ever sell yourselves short.  You are all so amazing in so many ways.  I see the beauty in each and every one of you.  If you feel yourself slipping, it’s okay.  So long as you remember to pick yourself right back up again.

Find your puddle in the rain.  It’s there, I promise.  LIVE your life.  Pay attention to you.  Stop allowing others to label you and stop labeling yourself.  You are so MANY things.

At age forty, I have found peace.

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