I had to make the blog private for a couple of reasons that I will now explain. Thank you all for wanting to follow our journey, for all of your love and support, and for your excitement as we travel down this crazy winding road!
Cyber Stalkers Aka…Trolls
Many of you may know that LeAnne and I were viciously attacked in an online adoption group a couple of weeks ago. It is still going on, but we have chosen to remove ourselves from that hate-filled environment. We are currently in a positivity bubble and we are staying there. Anyone who isn’t a part of the happiness isn’t to come anywhere near us right now.
The group is supposed to be about adoption from all sides. It has adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth mothers. It used to be a decent group with great conversations and different perspectives. I learned a lot from them. I’ve come a long way in the adoption world over the past three years, and I have some of them to thank for that.
That being said, there are fewer and fewer adoptive parents because of the anger and hate that we all feel from some very, very hurt people. I understand where their pain is coming from, I truly do. It is 100% REAL. Most of them are middle-aged women who were part of completely closed adoptions, didn’t know about their adoptions until adulthood, or had pretty bad adoptive homes.
Most of the birth mothers have awful stories to tell as well. Some of them are hurt by adoptive parents who didn’t keep their word and follow through with the agreed upon adoption guidelines pre-baby. We all know of a few. You know them, the adoptive parents that make it hard for all of us honest, loving adoptive parents…sucking the expectant mothers in only to hit the door running once those papers are signed.
Some of them made bad decisions and caused so much drama with the adoptive family that for the benefit of the children; the adoptive parents chose to close the adoption for now. Some of them are just unsafe. Regardless of the situation, they are VERY against adoption and anything that it entails.
I am in no way taking away from that pain. Everyone’s story is real and everyone’s story is valid. Those emotions are not for us to dismiss. They have the right to feel the way they feel. However, when they start to push it on innocent people…I have a problem.
LeAnne saw my comments and jumped over to the page in my defense. She spoke her mind about how she felt as an adopted child, an expectant mother preparing to place, and the best interests of her unborn daughter. She gave some vague reasons for her decision (because quite frankly, it isn’t anyone’s business and her reasons are her reasons). It made it worse. They took that as the ONLY reasoning she had, and simply refused to listen to her heart.
WE know that there are adoptive parents who are honest. We know that there are so many beautiful adoption stories that include all parts of the adoption triad and everyone is happy and loved. We know this happens every single day. Those of us who are genuine and honest, we get that. Sometimes people really just can’t see outside of their box.
We weren’t going to be staying there with them in this anger.
We left the group and will not be going back.
LeAnne has also had some push back from the baby’s biological father. Personally, I don’t believe it is genuine. He wanted nothing to do with the baby until around a week ago. He was very rude and hurtful in his comments to LeAnne, and because she didn’t bend to him, he has decided to fight her in her placement decision.
That being said, I am very much a believer in ethical adoption. I would never jump in to “take” a child away from her biological family if they chose to parent. If it were a safe environment and one of them wanted to parent…we would totally step back out of the picture. That being said, in this situation, it is completely unsafe for any child to be in his care. I cannot go into details for legal reasons; however, we are continuing to move forward with the adoption.
My attorney will be serving him papers soon and we will go from there. Once he receives those papers, he can decide if he wants to fight and contest the adoption. For the sake of the baby, we are in this for the long haul.
We are not letting him steal our joy. If he were in a different place in his life, making better decisions (legal ones), and truly vested in this child, we would be looking at this from a totally different angle. At this point, it is about safety of the baby.
Please continue to pray for the best outcome we can have in all of this. God knows where this baby is safest. He knows our hearts and he knows the truth in all of this. Thank you for your love and support…we hope you can continue with us on this journey.