Failed Adoption Number Four

Last Wednesday we received a phone call about a possible adoption at 8:00pm. The birth mother was due in one month. She had no prenatal care and was a drug addict. We didn’t know what drugs exactly, but we knew that she was using. Corey and I discussed this as a possibility that night and had planned to move forward and hope for the best—we would find out about the details later.

I awoke at 7:45 to find a voicemail on my phone from the birth mother’s friend stating that she went into labor at 1am.  The baby was born on Thursday August 22nd at 3am. We started to move and move quickly. We took Logan to daycare and explained that we had to make arrangements for him but that we may be picking him up early that day. We went on to work and awaited word from our attorney before we made the decision to head out of town.

I left work at 10am and started packing to leave home and head for Savannah. We ended up taking Logan with us and in the end, I’m very glad that we had him with us. This is almost a seven hour drive for us. We made countless phone calls to the attorney, to the birth mom, to the birth mom’s friend, on and on—all of the way to Savannah. We arrived to the hospital and rushed inside.

Corey, Logan, and I walked into the maternity ward and asked for the patient. The nursing staff advised that she left the hospital an hour before we arrived and that the baby had been abandoned. Devastation.  There was a communication breakdown at the hospital and the new nurse that took over at shift change NOR the social worker at the hospital were aware that we were on our way.

And because they didn’t know we were coming, they went ahead and tested the baby.  Of course, she positive–for cocaine.  Unfortunately, the staff informed her of such and not in the way one should handle an addict. Within ten minutes of the nurses telling the birth mother that the authorities (DFCS) had to be called, she was gone. She heard “authorities” and thought she was going to jail. There was nothing we could do aside from frantically trying to get her to come back.

But she’s an addict. She was high within this hour. She was in a paranoid state and would not believe anyone when they told her that she was not in danger of being arrested. No matter what we did, no matter what we said, she could not get beyond this. DFCS called us on Friday afternoon and took our information and our attorney’s information in regard to the baby. We stayed in town one more day to see if we could get the birth mother to meet with us.

The next day, we took Logan to the beach and let him play. At least someone enjoyed themselves, right? Corey and I tried. We enjoyed it as much as we possibly could, considering the stress we were under.  It was so nice to have him there.  Here we were, two grown adults, relying on our two year old to make us feel better.  And he did.  He always does.  It is now a week and a half later and he’s still talking about the “big waves” and the “letters in the sand”.  You just can’t help but smile when you are around him.  Logan’s so infectious this way.

(By the way, Logan has all kinds of new friends in Tybee.  That afternoon, the locals were all calling him by name as they passed him on the street.  He is one magnetic kid.  It makes this mama proud.)

The three of us began the long drive back home on Sunday morning.  I didn’t cry until we were driving out of Savannah and passing by the hospital.  I knew she was there.  She was there without a mama.  I didn’t know (I still don’t) what was going to happen with her and it broke my heart into pieces.

The waiting continues. We have found out that if the state takes complete custody, there will be at least a two month wait during the process. There is a four week period where the abandonment is advertised in attempt to get the birth mother to step forward. After that, a court hearing is set and scheduled out another 30 days. I don’t know what will happen at that point, but the state does know that we are there as the adoptive family should it come to that.

Adoption is a beautiful, wonderful thing.  Don’t get me wrong. I love adoption more than I can even say. Without it, I would not be a mama.

But this, my friends? This is the ugly side of adoption–drug addicts and bureaucracy.

So we wait.

Darling girl, (wherever you are) may God bless your sweet little heart and may you end up in a family that loves you unconditionally, should it not be with us. My prayers are that you do not end up being another kid in the system. My hope is that you have a mama and a daddy to hold you tight at night as you go through these withdrawals and throughout your life. We don’t always have a reason for “why” things happen. We just pray for you. May God keep you in his care.

One thought on “Failed Adoption Number Four

  1. Oh Dear.. I've been there. I know exactly how it feels. Believe it or not. I pray the same prayer to my baby. Some how i know that he's going to be mine. & im gonna be able to hold him tight and kiss him goodnight & enjoy his heavenly smell. Never give up

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