Here we go! We’ve been trying to do fund raisers and have raised close to $500.00 for our home study, we’ve received pass-along cards, we’ve contacted someone in regard to a home study, and we officially have an attorney in Ohio. We also have one waiting in Georgia—the same attorney that we used for Logan just because we absolutely LOVE her. We have an auction coming that will hopefully raise enough money to complete the home study to really get us started. (This was our goal with the auctions.)
We will submit our completed home study to our attorney and hope that someone contacts him in regards to placement. We are getting there—slowly but surely. So far, we have been working on this for almost a year. Adoption is such a speedy process and so much easier than getting pregnant and having a baby—said no informed person, ever.
Yes, we’ve had a few set-backs already. Logan had a couple of ear infections (ugh teething), Corey’s adorable grandmother was hospitalized (she is okay now, thanks everyone for your concern!), and we took a trip to Ohio since we first began our road to Ruby. There were a few other things “technicalities” that also set us back a good bit. But you know? Set-backs are expected. This is adoption, after all. It’s a process. We fully expect one or two (or ten?) more along the way.
Just as I blogged the journey to Logan, I plan to do so with Ruby. This was the reason for the blog name change, after all. This is going to be the name from now on (with permission of the author of the quote on my page—thanks, Love!). We’ve received some recent questions about Ruby’s adoption. I’m going to try to answer some of these here—even those that annoy me the most. I know that you all mean well all of the time, but really, folks. Please put these to rest. J
1. Are you open to any race? Yes. We have always been and always will be open to any race. It doesn’t matter to us if our next child is quite multiracial (as is Logan), AA, Hispanic, Native American, Asian, or totally Caucasian. We will love her with our full hearts. Love knows no color, no ethnic background, no limitations. It’s our job to be sure that our children are educated as to their culture and background. Let us worry about that—we will do our best to ensure that our children are secure in “who” they are, just like any other caring, responsible set of parents.
2. Are you going to have an open adoption? Hopefully! At this point, this is totally up to the birth mother. We would love to have an open adoption for both of our children, if possible. It’s our belief that it is truly best for everyone involved. Not only does it give the birth mother some comfort with the placement knowing that she can always be a part of her life, but it is good for our child in so many ways.
I had a lot of guilt with Logan, knowing how much pain his birth mother was in after the placement—the openness of the adoption even helped ME. It’s just the best for everyone! If we happen to find a birth mother that isn’t comfortable with an open adoption plan, we would not say “no” either.
Although we do find it the best to have an open adoption, we do understand that for some birth mothers, this is the harder route. Sometimes they cannot bear seeing the child again. Our child would never think less of her for that. Again, our responsibility as parents to fully explain this to our child. We would never explain this as a “bad thing” to her. Adoption will NEVER be taboo in our household. Those of you that know us personally…there isn’t much that goes unsaid in our household.
3. Are you adopting domestically or internationally? At this point, we are aiming for a domestic adoption as there is more cost involved in overseas adoption, including (but not limited to) travel expenses. We will see where we are led to go from there. You never know what may happen. This is adoption, after all. It’s a process. J
4. What if you get a request for a boy? It all depends on the situation. If it is a situation where other families are being considered, and we specifically do want a girl, we would pass—as crazy as that seems to do so in this world of adoption. We are two-and-done, so we would let the other family step forward. If it is a situation where there are no other families and the birth mother is in a bind or considering an abortion…ABSOLUTELY we would take him!!! Logan would love to have a baby brother just as well, I’m sure. And we would be as excited either way! We would feel at that point that some higher power led us to that little boy. We would never, ever turn a child who is truly needing a family away because HE is a HE.
5. Why RUBY? Simply because we like it. We went through so many names, and this one just seems to fit. It helps us move towards her if we already have her name. It makes her seem even more “real” to us. Many people have come up to us and stated that they didn’t like the name. That’s fine—really! You don’t have to like it—I didn’t ask that you get my permission before naming your child.
It may seem strange to some as it is a little old-fashioned, but I personally believe that it is just pretty enough to be put back into the current. Ruby. A jewel of such beauty. By definition, a precious jewel. It seems perfect to us. It isn’t as “out there” as “Apple”, “Coco”, or “Blue”, and let’s face it—you all have become accustomed to those as well, even if you still think that their parents were out of their mind for choosing those names for their children. Y
ou’ll get used to it. Someday you will be looking at photos of our Ruby and you will think, “You know? I can’t even imagine her as anything else”. It will happen. That is to be her name (at least at this point—the middles may still change). I am female. I reserve that right until her birth certificate is legal.
I do ask that your prayers be for patience and guidance. As always, we will pray for Ruby’s birth mother from the moment we find her. Birth mothers are among God’s strongest and most selfless. As an adoptive mother, I cannot (nor will I pretend to) fathom what it is like to place your child into the arms of another mother for the best interest of your child. But as a mother, I understand the need to do so. If it came to choosing between my heart and the well-being of my son, there would be no doubt of what I would do.
That is what motherly love is—self-sacrificing, unconditional, undeniable love. Because we owe our everything to Logan’s birth mother, I know what it is like to love someone completely unrelated to you as family. There are many people in my life who I regard as family that are not genetically related to me. Love doesn’t know boundaries. Family is unrestrained.
So come on Ruby. We are ready for you. Mama and Daddy are anxious for your arrival (as is the entire family) and your big brother already pretends to love on you. He is going to make such a great big brother.
For those of you that interact with me daily: Keep reminding me of patience. Remind me of the journey to Logan and how perfectly the timing was for us. Remind me that all good things come to those who wait. Remind me that it WILL happen for us. We just have to reach the right person. Sometimes I get anxious and I forget my own best advice. Feel free to remind me as need-be. I promise to accept it. J