Within the last month, two friends of mine welcomed their first adopted child into their family. They were waiting for as long as Corey and I were when we received our precious Logan. I am so happy for them. I remember so clearly what it was like the first moment I held that sweet baby in my arms. I still remember his warmth, his smell, the way he blinked his eyes over and over trying to focus on mine. I’ve been grateful each and every day of his life and I always will be.
Being able to see that happiness in others is part of what makes the adoption world so amazingly beautiful. We well know the pain that comes with infertility and the struggle that comes with adoption. (Especially those of us who are unable to afford an actual adoption agency.) Just when you think about giving up—just when you think you can’t handle anything more…you get that call. The call that you will never forget. The call that changes your life forever.
Nicole and Becky, you just went from a family of two to a family of three. You now know what it feels like to have someone completely dependent upon you for everything. You now know that love comes in all forms and that the love between a mother and child is unsurpassed. You now believe in love at first sight. Soon you will know what it is like to hear someone call YOU “Mama” and your heart will double in size. The first time your sweet one touches your face and smiles directly at you on purpose–you will feel like you are about to burst into a million pieces.
I know that you will enjoy every single day. I think adoptive parents have a different point of view when it comes to cherishing each moment—or any parent that has had to struggle for their child in one way or another, that is. When you long for something for so many years and you fight so very hard to get it, you can’t help but appreciate each and every moment. You enjoy everything. Every little thing is a dream come true to you.
People call me “Mamarazzi” because I take SO many pictures of my Logan. I just don’t want to forget any single moment. I adore every moment of this child’s life. Someday I will look back at all of his photos and I will relive his childhood. ( Okay, okay…I do this now with his infant pictures.) But someday when he is older and he thinks his mother is lame and annoying, I will look back at these and remember when he adored me. The days when he thought I was absolutely amazing. I was his best friend, his laughter, and his greatest love.
My advice to you, my friends, is to remember that this is YOUR child. Your husband’s son. Your little boy. Your little girl. From my experience, people tend to lend “advice” much more quickly with an adopted child. For some (crazy) reason, there will be those that think you do not have that bond with him that you would have if you birthed him or the natural instincts of motherhood. Those people will give you advice on how to bond. They will give you advice on EVERYTHING. Your instincts are the same as any mother. Trust them always.
The notion that you will bond differently is ignorant. You’ve been in love with the idea of this baby for years. You’ve bonded to the thought of this child throughout all of the ups and downs of adoption. You did not carry your child inside of your womb. (By the way, no father (even the best of them) cannot say that they did either.) You didn’t know what it was like to feel him/her moving before you held that babe in your arms. But babies know love like no other.
Right now your baby knows that someone is catering to his (or her for Becky) needs. Someone is feeding him, clothing him, bathing him, giving him love—all of the necessary things for his survival. This is true of all babies. He will learn your smell just as if you birthed him. He will learn that this is his MAMA. This is the one that I go to for comfort, love, and food (with boys it’s always food). Then will come the day when he looks at you with adoration. He has realized that this is HIS MAMA. He will know exactly what that means. You belong to him and he belongs to you.
This is motherhood. I’m so happy for you both. Continued prayers for little Jonah as he continues to fight every step of the way. He is proving to the world that even the tiniest of people can have the most strength and persistance. Hugs to him from Georgia.
And kisses to sweet Lily. She is blessed with a wonderful set of parents as well. This beautiful girl is going to do great things. With those cheeks of hers, she will get exactly what she wants from life–no doubt.
Much love to both of you and I can’t wait to watch your littles grow along the way. ❤