Four

Four.  It’s always been my favorite number.  It’s even.  Two in front, two in back, two on the outside, two on the inside—call me OCD if you’d like.  (I hear your eyes rolling.)  Oh come on!  It’s a lovely number. 
 
I was four years old the first time I was on television.  Everything I’ve ever tried out for and made the “team”?  Number four.  Corey and I have lived in four houses since we have been married.  The fourth is the home we own–the one we live in now.  We had four people in my family growing up.  Perhaps that’s the REAL why it’s always held a special place for me.  Even now, it still seems like the perfect number for our little family.
 
We found out today that the birth mother of the baby we are inquiring about has four families in total (thus far) that she has to consider.  I know that doesn’t sound like many.  Considering that she could have tens upon hundreds, it isn’t.  But there is still the chance that we will not be chosen.  It’s the hardest part of the process for me. 

Once we actually start to communicate with our birth mother, it’s SO much better.  She can see who we truly are.  She can feel comfort in that.  We will feel comfort in that.  As of right now, she has roughly 100 words about us to come to a decision for this step of her journey.
 
It does make you feel like you are selling yourself.  In a way you are.  You want her to see all of the good things about your family but you don’t want to blow yourself up to be something you aren’t.  I am a pretty up-front and honest person.  I’ll admit the good with the bad and it’s true—I have many flaws.  I’ll never pretend to be perfect.  (There’s no need to state the obvious. Heehee)

The truth is, we all have flaws.  It’s part of being human.  You live and you learn.  We all say the wrong things from time to time and we all have some regrets, if we want to admit it or not.  Mistakes and even regrets do not define who you are.  Sometimes they even change who you are—for the better.  I personally believe that regrets are healthy.  It means that you feel badly about wrong decisions.  It means you have a conscience.
 
Mistakes and regrets?  Not always the same thing.  I’ve made many mistakes that I don’t regret because the outcome made me a better person, a better wife, a better mother. 
 
I’ve gone off subject.  I do that a lot. 
 
Let’s wrap back around to what we were talking about.  Are you following?  Good.
 
So we should know soon as to if we are chosen or not.  The birth mother wants to choose a family for her child as soon as possible so that she can get to know us well before delivery. 

(Hey. I said US!  I’m thinking positively.  See that, Mom?) 

I already respect that of her more than I can even say in words.  She’s only 23 years old and it seems she is wise beyond her years.  I don’t know that I would have been this responsible at 23, I’ll admit it.  Hands down.  I must say, I’m anxious to meet her as well.
 
Here is hoping and praying that we get that call.  We are so ready to meet our next little love. ❤  Logan is so sweet with other babies/children and I know he’ll make such a good big brother.  He’s careful and cautious and so lovey-dovey.  I expect a transition for him, no matter where we find our daughter.  But you know?  He adjusts very well and he knows that he’s got his own place in our world.  And we have plenty of love to share. 
 
Someday I’ll be posting pictures of them together on here.  I look back at this blog and think to myself…Melinda.  You thought this was never going to happen.  You felt hopeless and ached for the day you could become a mommy.  Now here you are with a beautiful son and a gorgeous daughter.  Oh, how things change.
 
These adoptions have taught me so much about myself, about our family, and about how love can conquer all.  It sounds cliché, I know.  But there is so much truth in that.
 
That, my friends?  That’s what it’s all about.

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