It breaks my heart that there are so many children in foster care awaiting families (120,000 ready upon my last research) and yet here we sit. It’s been four years since we started this endeavor. We began this because we wanted more than anything to adopt a child (or children) from the system and give them a family. We had waited so long…it seemed natural for us to go this route. We started as foster only and never had one single placement. We changed our status in 2010 to foster/adopt (since that was our end goal, after all) and we still wait. We are still active foster parents in our county. We beg and plead for responses. We copy all paperwork to send in three (sometimes four) times because it is “lost”. We have placed over 230 inquiries on children since we began. We have been denied each and every time.
It begins to wear on a person. I hear stories from all over the country of families who are able to adopt these children. I know of several foster/adopt families that did end up with adoption. We have wondered for years what was “wrong with us” as to why we never had any responses/feedback. I’m beginning to think…this just isn’t the route for us. We were willing to accept up to three children, up to 12 years of age, any sex, any race, several disabilities listed as “acceptable”. That’s a pretty broad spectrum in the world of foster care. I’m not sure what went wrong or where, but my best assumption can be that our profile isn’t being rotated as it should be around the state. I also am very hesitant to believe that any interest that WAS made on our profiles from our inquiries was EVER followed through. But what can you do? You can only fight for so long before you say “enough is enough”.
We adopted Logan through a private contact—not from foster care. His adoption had nothing to do with the system. This was the smoothest adoption that I can imagine. All adoption has snags, stresses, worries, and heartache of some kind. Ours was as drama-free as I think it could possibly be, and our son’s birth parents were amazing. I’m beginning to think that may be the way to go as we search for our little girl. As much as we had wished to adopt an older child (they are harder to place for adoption and that is where the greatest need is in foster care), I think that we are to the point where we must move on.
I struggle with this. I still feel in my heart that there is a little girl waiting for us as we wait for her. I can’t help but feel if we give up, that we are giving up on her as well. I am trying to come to peace with everything. It will take time for me to be comfortable with this…if we do decide to make the call to pull out as foster/adopt parents. We have prayed about this for so long yet we still are torn.
Please keep us in mind if you hear of any possible adoption placements. For now….we wait.