Homecoming

Welcome Home, Peanut.

We are home.  Breathe.

The hospital experience proved to be very stressful (as expected) and very emotional (also expected).  The unbelievable turn of events at 3:00 am the morning after your birth scared the heck out of me.  It turned out to be one of the greatest, most amazing moments of my life. 

Your birthmom decided that she wanted to see you.  I understood that she needed to know everything was okay.  But it scared me beyond belief.  I almost didn’t let it happen (she was allowing me to make the decision).  I was so terrified that she’d lay eyes on you and that would be it.  I had already fallen head-over-heels in love with you.  In my heart, you were mine.  The fear of losing you…I can’t even explain how terrifying that was to me.

The walk to your birthmom’s room seemed to be the longest walk of my life.  Yet, when we finally reached her door and walked in she was nothing but loving.  She is amazing, my love.  You will see.  She looked at me and said, “Oh no…no no no.  It’s okay!  I just need to see him with you so that I know he is alright”.  We embraced for some time.  The love of two mothers surrounded you, Logan.  It was simply beautiful.

She kept saying how absolutely beautiful you were.  You are. 🙂  She says that you look like her oldest son–a lot like her.  I agree.  You really do look a lot like her.  I am sure it was bittersweet for her.  Yet it was an absolutely incredible moment between all of us.  The nurses were crying as they watched this all happen.  She and I bonded on a deeper level that night.  I went back to the room with you with the greatest sense of relief.  I knew then that everything was going to be okay.

The next day was followed by lots of visits from your birth family and a few friends.  Your birthmom even popped in a couple of times.  She held you and snuggled you.  She kept saying how cute you were as if you were really my birth child and she didn’t carry you for almost 10 months. 🙂  But I guess in her heart that is where she’s at.  I’m so, so happy for that.  This is what I wanted for her. 

I know that we will be able to have a great relationship–I love her so much already.  We share a common bond now.  You have no idea what kind of love you have brought into this world, Logan.  Yet, you continue to bring it every day.

You are such an amazing baby.  I know that you will grow up to be an amazing kid, man, husband, daddy.  No one that has this much love could ever be anything less.

Bringing you home felt surreal.  It finally feels right.  It feels like it should have always been this way.  You smiled as I sat your carseat onto the sofa.  Some may say, “it’s gas”.  I prefer to think that you knew things were going to be okay.

xoxo

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9 thoughts on “Homecoming

  1. I'm crying like a baby! Sweet Logan you are a precious gift from God and you have the most amazing parents ever! Never forget how much you are loved not only by us but by your birth mom as well! Love you always and forever!Aunt Traci ❤

  2. Melinda, I do hope that you will continue to blog about everything. I enjoy reading your posts and sharing the experience with you through your words. You are the best mom! Little Logan is already so loved. I want to thank you for allowing me to read your experiences as you have taken this journey to it's magnificent (end? no, this is just a turn) new pathway. I am truly overjoyed for you and your family. love, Lisa

  3. I tried, in vain, to post a comment to this yesterday (blogger!). Isn't he just the sweetest thing. I'm not sure if you posted his birth height/weight?Eat him up and revel in being on the other side. Welcome to motherhood!

  4. Awww, lovely post. I always got soooooo nervous when the birth mothers wanted to see the boys. However, our agency's social worker said it is a good sign and they just want to say goodbye. Such an emotional roller coaster.

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