|Welcome Home, Peanut.|
We are home. Breathe.
The hospital experience proved to be very stressful (as expected) and very emotional (also expected). The unbelievable turn of events at 3:00 am the morning after your birth scared the heck out of me. It turned out to be one of the greatest, most amazing moments of my life.
Your birthmom decided that she wanted to see you. I understood that she needed to know everything was okay. But it scared me beyond belief. I almost didn’t let it happen (she was allowing me to make the decision). I was so terrified that she’d lay eyes on you and that would be it. I had already fallen head-over-heels in love with you. In my heart, you were mine. The fear of losing you…I can’t even explain how terrifying that was to me.
The walk to your birthmom’s room seemed to be the longest walk of my life. Yet, when we finally reached her door and walked in she was nothing but loving. She is amazing, my love. You will see. She looked at me and said, “Oh no…no no no. It’s okay! I just need to see him with you so that I know he is alright”. We embraced for some time. The love of two mothers surrounded you, Logan. It was simply beautiful.
She kept saying how absolutely beautiful you were. You are. 🙂 She says that you look like her oldest son–a lot like her. I agree. You really do look a lot like her. I am sure it was bittersweet for her. Yet it was an absolutely incredible moment between all of us. The nurses were crying as they watched this all happen. She and I bonded on a deeper level that night. I went back to the room with you with the greatest sense of relief. I knew then that everything was going to be okay.
The next day was followed by lots of visits from your birth family and a few friends. Your birthmom even popped in a couple of times. She held you and snuggled you. She kept saying how cute you were as if you were really my birth child and she didn’t carry you for almost 10 months. 🙂 But I guess in her heart that is where she’s at. I’m so, so happy for that. This is what I wanted for her.
I know that we will be able to have a great relationship–I love her so much already. We share a common bond now. You have no idea what kind of love you have brought into this world, Logan. Yet, you continue to bring it every day.
You are such an amazing baby. I know that you will grow up to be an amazing kid, man, husband, daddy. No one that has this much love could ever be anything less.
Bringing you home felt surreal. It finally feels right. It feels like it should have always been this way. You smiled as I sat your carseat onto the sofa. Some may say, “it’s gas”. I prefer to think that you knew things were going to be okay.